Travel Into My World

So I haven't really talked publicly about this yet. A few of you guys know about the development with my left wrist. Some of you don't. So I'm going to explain what's actually going on. It seems as though I have not only got carpal tunnel syndrome; I also have cubital tunnel syndrome, which has something to do with the ulna. Basically, there is another tunnel on the other side that runs along the side where the funny bone is located near the elbow.

This is causing me a lot of pain, especially at night. It doesn't matter how much or how little typing I do, because if my elbow is bent, then the aggravation starts. My Mom is worried about it because we know that surgery probably won't fix the problem because of the tightness in my muscles due to the cerebral palsy. So of course now I have to add this to list of my never-ending issues. I'm basically living on an ice pack every twenty minutes.

What does this actually mean? It doesn't really effect my activities online unless it really flares up. On the days that it does it means less socializing online, less RPGing via journals, and less writing. I can live without the RPGing, and the socializing, but when it effects my writing... that's where I get really upset. Not that I don't love you awesome people. You're my family, and I need you guys around whether by IM, Plurk, or text if we have each other's numbers. But writing... if you've known me long enough...writing is my escape from the world, and if I can't do it...well, I'm really not a happy person.

It's also effecting my grip on things, so when I try to do things in the kitchen, or anything like that, I'm dropping things. I've been having trouble holding Bandit, too, which is really bad because he's supposed to be my support animal. And I'm supposed to be able to hold him and pet him. He comforts me like no other human being can. I don't really understand how that works. But when I'm with him, I feel like there is nothing wrong. So not being able to really cuddle him properly is upsetting, as well.

If things work out for March, I am going to have to buy myself an ice pack to take to New York with me because I know I will need it. I've been having to get up and ice my wrist in the middle of night for the last three nights, and it's really aggravating. I'm sure Lexi will understand this need. I'm just really excited to actually be going so I can visit my friends back in Spencer. I miss all of them. :(

I can't wait, too, to see my baby girl, and Licker. I miss them both so much. I mean, I loved Honey, Riku, and Mara, but Amu and Licker were my babies. It's going to be hard to leave Amu a second time, but I know she's being taken care of, Lexi tells me that on a regular basis. But I socialized all of these babies, and I miss them. I hope they remember me.... Lexi says Licker seems to remember me...when he hears me on the phone.

Anyway, that's what's been going on with me. My wrist has been bad for the last while, and it's worse now with the colder weather. But it still is annoying. I miss being able to sleep through the night. :(

So as many of you know, yesterday was my birthday, and even though I turned 34, I still celebrated as if I was 21. LOL. I spent my day at Arundel Mills, a mall that is 30 minutes away from the house, and a treat when I go, so I only do it once a year, and usually it falls on my b-day.

So everything went smoothly as far as getting there. There was an air of disappointment once we hit the Disney Store, and things seemed to go downhill from there. The thing is, there was no Big Hero 6 merchandise. I mean, they had Fred in his dragon superhero form as a plushie, and they had a plushie of Baymax in his armor, but I wanted a regular Baymax plushie, and they didn't have any, nor did they have any of the smaller action figures.

The kicker was they had a plethora of Frozen merchandise. Even after Christmas it was fully stocked up. I was really disappointed, and honestly, it's made me kind of bitter towards Frozen for the moment. I'm sure that will pass, becuase I do like the story. (and I can't pass up an opportunity to listen to "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?" even I want to!)

I honestly don't understand why Disney isn't giving Big Hero 6 the due attention it deserves. It's crazy, really. I get that Frozen is big. It will probably be big for a long time yet. Just like Hannah Montana and High School Musical were. But I don't think Disney is being fair. Yes, keep selling the Frozen merchandise, but don't snub the movie you worked so hard to produce and bring to the big screen, and don't snub the people who went to see it, either. The people who want to buy the merchandise, and the people who would go more than once to the same movie (which I fully intend to do).

That aside, things continued to go downhill once I go to Dave and Busters. Now, by this point, I was already pretty annoyed, and upset because not only did Disney Store not have Big Hero 6, but FYE was completely sold out of any Baymax plushies and weren't restocking (yes, I asked, just for my own reference). And tons of Frozen merchandise abounded. So when I got to Dave and Busters and found out that instead of the 3 hours I had allotted for dinner and gaming was to be cut down to an hour and a half because, LOL, freakin' winter weather advisory and freezing over!, I was beyond pissed.

To add to my bad mood, there was a mess of confusion about the bill that we did incur, and the staff was way less than courteous to us. They did not get a tip. Period. >.< Screw that. I was pissed.

The day did wind up salvaged; however, by winning over 3k tickets and being able to splurge on Pixie Stix and Sweet Tarts. My two favorite candies in the world. I also got myself a new tumbler to drink out of since Mom had been borrowing my other one. I also got myself a new Grumpy Cat plushie, and Sara bought me some cotton candy. Lexi got me a Mr. Goodbar and a Hershey bar(but that was more for my hellweek than my birthday).

Some other things that I got for my birthday were two wrist bands from Sara from Ouran High School Host Club, a wallpaper from Kay with Baymax and Hiro doing the fist bump (if you haven't seen the movie, that probably isn't going to make any sense to you guys, but it's my favorite part of the movie. Well, one of my favorite scenes at any rate), and 100.00 from Mommy and Daddy to spend anyway I choose. Which is awesome. Cause I can still order from Amazon if today's plans fail.

Even though I didn't end up getting what I went to the mall to get, I am still pretty happy with how yesterday went. I got a bit bratty towards the end, but I'm glad my friends who've known me for a while could understand why I was that way. It was a great b-day, and I am looking forward to a whole new year of life.

Trivia: My favorite animated Disney movie is Lilo and Stitch. My favorite animated movie of all time is The Secret of Nimh.

I'm not going to lie I Really miss the Supernatural fandom. Now everyone wants to do Superwholock, which I really do not understand, and in all honesty, I'm afraid that The Librarians are going to follow suit in some way if it takes off. I don't have a problem mixing fandoms, but I Don't want it become a regular thing because I want to enjoy each fandom separately, and occasionally have "crossover" type things happen. I can totally see The Librarians encountering an ancient artifact that allows them to cross dimensions. Hell, the branch of the Library they work out of is basically a portal, and a door can be opened to anywhereville. So it wouldn't be unheard of for them to run into Dean and Sam or something. But it doesn't ahve to be all the time. I can actually see a Doctor Who crossover too. But I am so hoping people don't make that the only way they'll play it.

But I could be jumping the gun, since it seems a lot of my friends don't watch it yet. I could, very well, end up being alone in this fandom, just like a whole bunch of my other ones.

But yes, I got involved in Supernatural again because one of my Christmas presents from Daniel was Supernatural Season 7. I have watched Season 7, but I am actually considering watching them all again. From the beginning. But I want to catch up first, and follow it all the way to the end, and then do a mega marathon.

I have missed Dean and Sam to bits. Heh. Can't wait to get back into the game.

Trivia: For a long time after I got into Supernatural, I wore rock salt around my neck. (My Sam muse was very proud.)

This time last year was fairly quiet. But this year, it's kinda bittersweet. I know that my best friend Lexi will be without her mother, and even though I had stopped calling on Christmas morning because I never knew what they were doing at any one time.

Today, though, the family will be able to celebrate with the knowledge that the monster behind the tragedy is being held accountable for his actions. The sentencing isn't until March, but I am satisfied knowing that he will be on House arrest until then, and that he has a $5,000 bond, too. I'll take that. It's something.

Tonight the family is going to exchange gifts. We won't have much. In fact, Bandit actually got the gift instead of me. He is getting a large, 3-story ferret cage. I am glad he is getting this because he actually outgrew his other one last year, and I could not get 100.00 together in one sitting. :( So Mommy and Daddy C bought him one for me. I am so happy. I don't mind giving him my gift this year. He has earned it.

Daniel is actually awake, and spending time with people in the family today. This is also a great Christmas gift for me. <3 I'm excited that he is. I do know what he physically bought me, but I'm not upset about being spoiled. I won't reveal it here until I actually get it, but it is something I asked him for last year that I didn't get. But then again last year's Christmas was kinda sucky on all accounts, the family time notwithstanding.

This year is sure to be much better all around. Mom and Daddy C are pretty much out of the hole financially, and I was able to shop for everyone that I wanted to shop for. And plus, next Tuesday, Lexi and Sara will be here, and that makes me very happy! <3

So I haven't written a real entry in here in ages, and I'm sorry about that. I mostly don't do writing when all I'm going to do is whine about personal stuff. But I need some where to put some of this pent up stress, so here it goes.

I am greatly worried about my brother Daniel. He has been living with "depression" for almost 2 months. And I put it in quotes because I'm honestly not sure if he's truly depressed or using it as a cover to be allowed to sleep all day knowing that Daddy C won't push him for fear of driving him to suicide. But either way. Things are not right with this boy (yes, boy, even though he is 20). He's staying up all night, sleeping all day, and putting his family second yet again. It's to the point Mom doesn't even want to give him money for Christmas shopping, because she's afraid he'll spend it on Weed.

Yes that is something he does. He has gotten pretty bad about it ever since Cellular Sales let him go over a technicality. He'll be back there again in April, but that's a long time not to do anything. -sigh- I just don't really know what to do, or if I can really do anything, to be honest.

All I know is it is putting a strain on Mom and Cal's marriage, and that's making me feel anxious, and I don't do good with anxiety. And at least I've gotten to the point where I'm not wanting to throw up every time things get tense. (Thank you, Remeron!) But I just... this is the freakin' holidays! Things shouldn't be this intense, and strained right now. Or ever, but especially not right now.

Not to mention, the trial is going on for the accident that took my second mother away from last year, so I'm stressing about that, and trying to hold it together for Lexi, and that family. I can't be strong for both families, though, and eventually, I am expecting a breakdown. If I don't get it, then I will thank my medicine some more, because it really has helped a lot.

The holidays are depressing for me sometimes now because of the losses I've suffered. My grandparents are all gone, I lost my best best friend almost 2 years ago (my cat, Murphy. And yes even though he is "just an animal" he really was my baby, and I loved him dearly. )And now Mama Kat is gone, too, and it just feels like the loss is never ending.

If I could ever figure out how to put pictures in this thing, I would put some of hte ones of Baymax I have been drawing. He just needs to be experienced by anyone who is suffering or in pain. That kind of pain is really hard to come to terms with. Baymax does a great job of healing Hiro in the movie Big Hero 6. I just want to snuggle him dearly.

With the big blow up between me and Val that ended our friendship, the end of NaNoWriMo, and then finishing my last fic for NaNo, I am actually very bored. :( I did some tagging with Kay, and Sara earlier. But I am very displeased with my Farkle right now. It might come back, after I watch more of the show again. I keep hoping.

He wasn't in the episode much last week, so that was a disappointment for me. This week is the Christmas episode, and Shawn Hunter, and Cory's parents are supposed to guest start. I'm kinda hoping that Minkus makes another appearance with Farkle, or something. I know that Janitor Harley won't, but having Minkus back...would be awesome.

I can't wait to do more tagging.

I'm excited about this new fic that is brewing in my head. I don't know. I need to develop my Shadowhunter!Simon muse more. Maybe some more private RPing with myself will help? I'm banking on that. I am actually recycling a bit of plot from Val because I'm not ready to let the plot go. It was my plot before Val, and it will be my plot long after. And I have other plots, too that never got around to being fully developed. :( So maybe now I will try and refocus on those? Maybe?

I'm already able to talk more about TMI. I think that night it was just a shock that all I wanted was ot get out. And maybe that's what I needed to do. To get away. And maybe my Mortal Instruments muses were just prodding me more to get rid of Val. Muses, I've always believed, work in ways you don't always understand. Simon, Jace, and Alec, and especially Magnus have always been very protective of me, and my health. I guess maybe that night that Magnus had had enough, and decided that one way or another, she was gone. I'm not saying THEY are the sole reason that I dropped her. The way she reacted to everything definitely is the reason I left. I had had enough. To say that I haven't been relieved the last two days... would be a lie.

There are so many things I can do now without her constantly wanting my attention, or making me feel guilty about wanting to be away from the PC. Of course I haven't actually taken the leave away from the PC yet, but I'm sure with my new tech toy coming, I probably will. LOL.

Oh! I haven't told you guys about the new toy yet! This thing is called a Flash Pad. I ordered it from QVC. It is a touch pad gaming console that has 12 games on it that will be good for my dexterity, hand/eye coordination, and memory. These are all things I struggle with every day because of my Cerebral Palsy, and they looked addictive as hell. I can't wait! So I am going to put my triple A batteries on the charger this coming Tuesday and let them charge overnight. My Flash Pad Air is due to show up this coming Wednesday.

You guys have been amazing for being there for me, and I really appreciate it so much. <3

So a lot of you here on Dreamwidth know what happened last night, but I still need to process it, and put it somewhere so I have a record of it. Things happened so quickly last night, and afterwards all I wanted was to bury myself in the Robas and pretend things hadn't happened. Which is a total Victoria tactic, but they do say that sometimes you put yourself in your characters...lol.

Anyway. So Valerie and I are no longer friends. That's the bare bones of it. I shared a very important story with her in trying to explain what's been causing me (mostly) to stay away from her. I don't know how many times I can type out taht story without crying again, so I'm not going to talk about that. I just... I can't. Maybe ask me in a day or two?

The nuts and bolts of it was that she was far too obsessed with RPing The Mortal Instruments with me, and right now, especially after last night, I can't have myself bombareded with that fandom. I love it dearly, and I will always love that fandom. But with the realization I made last night about the real reason I was able to get into it, I just can't right now. And when I tried to explain that to her, I was sure to tell her that it wasn't anything she, personally, was doing. Because if you definitely at least don't say that, she'd take it wrong.

It back fired on me. Big time. Instead of comforting me, and reassuring me that this pain associated with this fandom and Mama Kat would go away eventually, she made it all about her, and that's what I felt tipped the scale towards leaving. I finally realized that no matter WHAT my problems were, she was going to find some way to make them about her.

With the trial coming up, and the raw of emotion of the one year anniversary with Mama Kat...I Just don't need a friend who can turn anything into something about her. I need someone who will just listen, and respect that not everything is about her. It was the hardest damn thing I had to do telling her, and admitting to myself, even that I was having trouble enjoying The Mortal Instruments!!

But now the rush back to Nostalgia makes more sense. Too much shit changed over the year. First with Mama Kat passing so suddenly, then the end of The Mortal Instruments series itself....with Yu gi oh, my Robas and Victoria were exactly the same as I remembered them. Victoria was still always just wavering on insane, Christien was still fighting to keep her sane, and protect her, Espa and Jonathan were still being elder brothers... Kaiba was still being reluctant...you get me?

I just really needed to find them again, and be reminded what it was like NOT to have something remind me of anyone. Yu gi oh, at it's core, gave me some of my closest friends, and a lot of you, I still talk to. Maybe not nearly as often as I'd like anymore, but I try. But I was into it deep before I met most of you. Some of you I met strictly because of certain Yu gi oh characters. You know who you are. And Victoria definitely wouldn't be who she is without certain people. My only regret in this fandom is that in the FANFIC verse, I've lost contact with one of my favorite people, and now that I'm posting more Roba fics in a few months, I'd really like to let her see what I ended up doing with them. I took a simple concept she had, and just ran wtih it. (With her blessing, of course! She reviewed my first Roba fic, and helped me with some of the finer points of the younger Robas' personalities. So while I take credit for them, I never forget that she helped me. I just miss talking to her now that I've gotten that far.)

Anyway, I'm about to finish up the epilogue of the final Wyatt-centric fanfic for Yu gi oh, and then I probably will take a long break from writing to focus on RPGing. Just to get that sense of "Okay, yeah, I can still do this...with or without Valerie". Okay.

Trivia: Victoria shares a birthday with insaneladybug because her first appearance in fanfic was posted for Daisy on October 3rd. (It was her birthday present!)

Yesterday went out with a hitch. I helped Mom quite a bit, and because of that, I actually now have a day where I have no work to do in the house. My brother on the other hand... he didn't even get up till a quarter to 2 yesterday. Got well enough to go to his friend's house last night, and then had the audacity to keep me awake off and on all night. Goddamn. He has to do chores between today and tomorrow. Sunday, I will not be here. Hopefully I will be seeing Big Hero 6 before my final write-in for the month.

I can't believe the month is over On Sunday! Wow. What the actual hell? The month just went by SO SO Fast. Like, BOOM! And now December is coming, which means I will definitely be back on to RPG tracks. <3 I have a whole thread that needs wrapping up. I have idea for other threads at GrandeLatte... (I keep wanting to say Green Tea Latte...the actual hell, self?).

I will also begin working once more on my Hunger Games RPG, Panem Prevails, which takes place in District 13. I will be doing all of this without help because I definitely do not want anyone else on board. Fractured Truth was a colossal failure, and I just don't know if I want to have anyone else involved this time.


Fanfiction is sitll growing strong, but believe it or not, I am feeling the urge to work on/start over on my Dystopian series, the Infinites. That is awesome! I haven't felt that kind of inspiration in months. This is good news for my original work load. Whoo! I am excited. I am very happy that my fanfiction is so much fun!!

There my Hunger Games reference to celebrate the release of Mockingjay Part 1.

Now to the words: I wrote 5,622 for a complete total of 144,849. I was only 2k words shy of my goal of 7k for the day. My goal was originally to be at 7k before 8pm. That didn't happen because I forgot to calculate the two game shows I watch with Daddy C.

Yes, I actually got Daddy C into the Jeopardy! Tournament of Champions! I was ecstatic. We battled it out for four days. It was a glorious, fun event for the two of us while Mom was in Mississippi. (Can you believe I had to spell that out loud?!) Anyway!

Then of course, Girl Meets World was back on with a new episode. And it was pretty good. Much better than the fanfic I was attempting to write. LOL. I was very upset that Minkus didn't make an appearance, cause I am sure having him, and Topanga warring with their children.... that would've been comical in that plot. As it was, Lucas and Riley becoming closer friends towards the end? And Farkle realizing how ridiculous he was being... that was great too. I swear, I hope COrey Fogelmanis doesn't get any acting gigs between now, and the end of the series. I want him pursue his dreams, but I want him to wait until *after* Girl Meets World is over because I don't want to lose Farkle. You cannot replace someone like Farkle. It wouldn't work.

That wasn't the only thing that kept me from being as productive as I could be. I struggled to keep my ass in the seat while I wrote. I was bouncy and all over the place despite sinus problems.

The other reason may be that in the mid afternoon, I started writing for Jendra (Jonathan x Kendra) which, I thought was going to be a piece of cake from Jonathan's point of view. After all, I had written for him before, and I had no problems. However, trying to do it without having Christien, Victoria, or anyone else there proved to be a bit awkward, and maybe that was good for the two of them, as their relationship is so new, and was so unexpected. The cutest thing to happen during that whole scene was the admission of "I love you"s.

Now I've switched back to Espa's point of view, so I may do better and will finally get back to Christoria tomorrow, and some of Victoria's issues with Marcia. I can't wait. (WHy do I enjoy writing her trauma so much? Seriously? I'm a monster!) . Anyway, I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna head to bed.

Trivia: Kendra was the goalie for Jonathan's team's biggest rivals when they were younger

So I am not cross-posting this entry because someone who I know is very conservative will see it, and may possibly never read another one of my fanfics again. So. Tonight I started the fourth fic of NaNoWriMo. This fic will include some much needed closure for Victoria with Marcia Roba.

What I wasn't counting on it including was Victoria and Christien finally doing this full on make out session that got pretty damn hot and heavy. It bordered on soft porn, I would believe. O_O

I don't write scenes like this! Well, okay, no I did write one scene like that in the original draft of The Powers book #1, but this one actually went beyond even that!

But I did stick to my principles, and I probably will. Steamy make outs, yes. Sex before marriage? No. But I've held that belief for as long as i can remember. It had nothing to do with religious beliefs cause screw letting some old guy in a robe tell me what to believe in... but. (No offense to anyone on my list who are very religious. That's just how I feel).

I just really loved "watching" Christien and Victoria go that next step, and how careful and conscience of her Christien was. He was even hesitant to remove her bra after she said it was okay to do so. It was so sweet, and kind, and sensual...that's just really how their relationship is when it comes to the romance of it, though. On the surface, they're two best friends that fell completely in love with each other. But alone, there's this amazing passion between them, and it was incredible to finally bring that out. I've always wanted to, and never found a great opportunity to do so. Now I have, and it was random, but the Robas are KNOWN for being random.... this is just a more "mature" random, I guess.

( Sensual Sweetness )

I am excited to see what happens next! This was just So much fun!

Trivia: Nora was named after Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist