Travel Into My World

So a lot of you here on Dreamwidth know what happened last night, but I still need to process it, and put it somewhere so I have a record of it. Things happened so quickly last night, and afterwards all I wanted was to bury myself in the Robas and pretend things hadn't happened. Which is a total Victoria tactic, but they do say that sometimes you put yourself in your characters...lol.

Anyway. So Valerie and I are no longer friends. That's the bare bones of it. I shared a very important story with her in trying to explain what's been causing me (mostly) to stay away from her. I don't know how many times I can type out taht story without crying again, so I'm not going to talk about that. I just... I can't. Maybe ask me in a day or two?

The nuts and bolts of it was that she was far too obsessed with RPing The Mortal Instruments with me, and right now, especially after last night, I can't have myself bombareded with that fandom. I love it dearly, and I will always love that fandom. But with the realization I made last night about the real reason I was able to get into it, I just can't right now. And when I tried to explain that to her, I was sure to tell her that it wasn't anything she, personally, was doing. Because if you definitely at least don't say that, she'd take it wrong.

It back fired on me. Big time. Instead of comforting me, and reassuring me that this pain associated with this fandom and Mama Kat would go away eventually, she made it all about her, and that's what I felt tipped the scale towards leaving. I finally realized that no matter WHAT my problems were, she was going to find some way to make them about her.

With the trial coming up, and the raw of emotion of the one year anniversary with Mama Kat...I Just don't need a friend who can turn anything into something about her. I need someone who will just listen, and respect that not everything is about her. It was the hardest damn thing I had to do telling her, and admitting to myself, even that I was having trouble enjoying The Mortal Instruments!!

But now the rush back to Nostalgia makes more sense. Too much shit changed over the year. First with Mama Kat passing so suddenly, then the end of The Mortal Instruments series itself....with Yu gi oh, my Robas and Victoria were exactly the same as I remembered them. Victoria was still always just wavering on insane, Christien was still fighting to keep her sane, and protect her, Espa and Jonathan were still being elder brothers... Kaiba was still being reluctant...you get me?

I just really needed to find them again, and be reminded what it was like NOT to have something remind me of anyone. Yu gi oh, at it's core, gave me some of my closest friends, and a lot of you, I still talk to. Maybe not nearly as often as I'd like anymore, but I try. But I was into it deep before I met most of you. Some of you I met strictly because of certain Yu gi oh characters. You know who you are. And Victoria definitely wouldn't be who she is without certain people. My only regret in this fandom is that in the FANFIC verse, I've lost contact with one of my favorite people, and now that I'm posting more Roba fics in a few months, I'd really like to let her see what I ended up doing with them. I took a simple concept she had, and just ran wtih it. (With her blessing, of course! She reviewed my first Roba fic, and helped me with some of the finer points of the younger Robas' personalities. So while I take credit for them, I never forget that she helped me. I just miss talking to her now that I've gotten that far.)

Anyway, I'm about to finish up the epilogue of the final Wyatt-centric fanfic for Yu gi oh, and then I probably will take a long break from writing to focus on RPGing. Just to get that sense of "Okay, yeah, I can still do this...with or without Valerie". Okay.

Trivia: Victoria shares a birthday with insaneladybug because her first appearance in fanfic was posted for Daisy on October 3rd. (It was her birthday present!)

Today was a mixed bag of everything. Today was the day I went to see The Maze Runner. That was an amazing movie! The graphics were good, the Grievers scared the klunk out of me, and I was really impressed with the actors. The cast was the best thing about the movie, to be honest. There is more I will say, but let me do that in a different entry tomorrow.

Tonight ended on a mid to low note. First the good. Tonight, as I was getting ready to wrap up my night at Barnes and Noble when this Ansel Elgort look alike walks in. He glanced at me, smiled, then sat down at the table next to mine. I had a VERY hard time not staring. I bet he doesn't even KNOW he's walking around with Ansel's face!

This caused quite the scene when my friend Jason tried to get a picture of him for me so I could relay to my other Ansel loving friends my luck! Finally got it up where I want to put it. I couldn't put it on Facebook in case the guy actually has a Facebook, and thinks I'm crazy....or a stalker...but either way, couldn't put it on FB.

Then got home and decided to shut down my Divergent-themed PanFandom RPG. I did it over Facebook because this way Valerie cannot message me griping about me shutting it down so suddenly. AFter it was technically my RPG, and I had the final say. I'm sad about it, yes. But sometimes you have to do what yu ahve to. Basically I wasn't having fun, and therefore it wasn't fun anymore.

And besides, we had 4 players and only two of us were active. And Valerie had the other half of my Divergent cast that I needed for my plot to work. And she wouldn't shucking tag!! She also had other characters my friend Terry wanted to play with. And she didn't tag with THOSE either. So basically she ruined my RPG.

I can lay back and chill now, but I am still very upset about it. I was so proud of my plot and the work I did on it. I even ahd the journals set up properly. Its hard to set up an RPG, and I managed to do it. I just couldn't force people to tag if they didn't want to tag or whatever, especially since it was an non-activity check RPG. My next one is going to have a role call at least so that people can't sit on characters and stuff.

The other good thing that happened tonight was that I got offered a position at ChatAbout doing viral video hunts. I can't wait to get started tomorrow. It's going to be so much fun to look for videos and things. <3 They are offering me 100 points per post to start, and if they like my stuff we'll renegotiate my "rate".ChatAbout, for anyone who doesn't know, is a site that pays point for just commenting and various topics, answering and asking questions, taking a daily poll and writing up posts.

I do all of the above and get about 50 points a day. I could probably get more if I put more time in, and if I do this job well, I'll be able to do more trade ins more frequently. You can get Amazon.com, PayPal, GameStop and many other types of giftcards. <3 I love this site, and I'm glad I'm back on it, and I'm glad they're offering me this chance to do more!

Trivia: I am only 1 foot too tall to be considered a true "Hobbit". But my nickname from Daddy C has been The Hobbit since we met.