Travel Into My World

So you know how you can live with someone for years and years and think things are fine? Ha. That's an illusion. I once told Kay that my family and I were very close and didn't have any problems. Guess what? I lied. Okay, I didn't lie, perse. I just didn't know how bad things were. Mom and Daddy C. Oh, whoops. CAL had done such a good job at not arguing in front of me. Well, tonight a lot of shit came out about how Cal really feels about me and Daniel. And it was much more painful than I ever thought I could feel.

Hazel Grace Lancaster in the Fault in Our Stars was often asked on a scale of 1-10 how she rated her pain. When Augustus died, she admitted that she had been saving her "10". Well, I must have been saving my 10, too. I am in SO much pain right now. The sheer amount of hurtful things he said to Mom about me and Daniel....I would have never guessed he actually felt that way towards me.

I guess I should probably start by saying that the argument, as usual, started out being about Daniel. Daniel couldn't handle the job at Wal-Mart, and was fired. Personally, I don't think he can keep a job. Every job he's had he's lost within a month for stupid reasons. It's always Daniel, and never anyone else. I am beginning to feel that Daniel may be one of the every three people that can't hold a job due to his ADHD and Anxiety. Cal doesn't want to face up to that. And I know Mom doesn't either, but that's just a theory I have. I'm not a doctor, so I am not saying that's really the case. But I digress.


This led to a huge blow up between Mom and Cal because Daniel didn't talk to Cal today like he said he wa going to. Mom didn't want to be in the middle of them anymore, and honestly, I get it. Daniel's twenty years old. He should be able to talk to Cal about what really happened. But the way Cal handled things...ugh.

Usually when they start arguing, I tune out. But I already had a pretty bad headache so I had turned off my music, and didn't have time to turn it back on before the yelling and accusations started. I also found out how Nick (Cal's son) really feels about us. He tolerates us. What the fuck. After EVERYTHING I did to promote his band. After he bought me the ukelele... and after I named one of my core characters in my first ever novel after him, and based his character on him! What. The Fuck. I am so....ugh. I can't even right now. I am having a really hard time processing all of this.

There is also Cal himself. He basically said that me and Daniel were not welcome to come to Florida with him and Mom, KNOWING I cannot live by myself. And said things like, "What you want them both hanging off your tits till you're 80?" and basically gave Mom an ultimatum, which really pissed me off because Tom (my first stepfather) did the same thing.

Yet, the thing that hurt the most for me was that he doesn't want to be called Daddy C anymore. He doesnt' want to be anyone's Daddy. I've been calling him that for almost a decade. It hurts. It really, really hurts.

The good news is that Baymax is on his way to me, and that will help, greatly.

I hate this stupid medication so much. I am having the worst dreams possible. Not all of them are bad, but most of them are just downright weird. I keep having dreams where I'm within a world that isn't mine. I mean... I'm with family, but there are all these secrets about the reality of the situation. It's just.....ugh.

The morning before, I yelled at Mom to shut up when all she was doing was sneezing. She also heard me yelling at Simon from the Mortal Instruments. I don't know why. I do find that to be very amusing. So strange, too.

Okay, I'm not really sure when I started on my re-vamp of Into the Lion's Den, so I can't give a time frame, but I know since the time I started it that I've been craving carnie food. Mostly it's because the majority of the story has taken place at Pryce's Carnival of Wonders, the Robas' home, and livelihood. Tori has mentioned funnel cake so much!

My starting of Into the Lion's Den happened to coincide with the start of the Maryland State Fair. So I've been harassing my mom to get me a real funnel cake and a sausage and peppers sandwich. She was there for a couple of days working with her company, CellularSales through Verizon. So she was there plenty of times.

Tonight, I finally got some! It was so so so good. My Victoria muse and I are very happy people. But that wasnt' the only carnie thing that happened. Mom bought corn dogs the other day, and holy crap when you're craving a specific type of food.... lol!

Trivia: Victoria has had several last names. In Snake in the Grass her full name is Victoria Madison Carter. In Return to Me, she has the full name of Victoria Madison Johnson. Entrapment finds her officially adopted by the Ishtars, making her official name: Victoria Madison Ishtar, even though Duke Devlin allegedly had papers stating that she had a named changed Victoria Devlin. (In an unpublished blurb, Victoria has a vision where she sees her name in the paper as Victoria Roba, indicating that Christien and Tori eventually DO tie the knot).