So a lot of you here on Dreamwidth know what happened last night, but I still need to process it, and put it somewhere so I have a record of it. Things happened so quickly last night, and afterwards all I wanted was to bury myself in the Robas and pretend things hadn't happened. Which is a total Victoria tactic, but they do say that sometimes you put yourself in your characters...lol.
Anyway. So Valerie and I are no longer friends. That's the bare bones of it. I shared a very important story with her in trying to explain what's been causing me (mostly) to stay away from her. I don't know how many times I can type out taht story without crying again, so I'm not going to talk about that. I just... I can't. Maybe ask me in a day or two?
The nuts and bolts of it was that she was far too obsessed with RPing The Mortal Instruments with me, and right now, especially after last night, I can't have myself bombareded with that fandom. I love it dearly, and I will always love that fandom. But with the realization I made last night about the real reason I was able to get into it, I just can't right now. And when I tried to explain that to her, I was sure to tell her that it wasn't anything she, personally, was doing. Because if you definitely at least don't say that, she'd take it wrong.
It back fired on me. Big time. Instead of comforting me, and reassuring me that this pain associated with this fandom and Mama Kat would go away eventually, she made it all about her, and that's what I felt tipped the scale towards leaving. I finally realized that no matter WHAT my problems were, she was going to find some way to make them about her.
With the trial coming up, and the raw of emotion of the one year anniversary with Mama Kat...I Just don't need a friend who can turn anything into something about her. I need someone who will just listen, and respect that not everything is about her. It was the hardest damn thing I had to do telling her, and admitting to myself, even that I was having trouble enjoying The Mortal Instruments!!
But now the rush back to Nostalgia makes more sense. Too much shit changed over the year. First with Mama Kat passing so suddenly, then the end of The Mortal Instruments series itself....with Yu gi oh, my Robas and Victoria were exactly the same as I remembered them. Victoria was still always just wavering on insane, Christien was still fighting to keep her sane, and protect her, Espa and Jonathan were still being elder brothers... Kaiba was still being reluctant...you get me?
I just really needed to find them again, and be reminded what it was like NOT to have something remind me of anyone. Yu gi oh, at it's core, gave me some of my closest friends, and a lot of you, I still talk to. Maybe not nearly as often as I'd like anymore, but I try. But I was into it deep before I met most of you. Some of you I met strictly because of certain Yu gi oh characters. You know who you are. And Victoria definitely wouldn't be who she is without certain people. My only regret in this fandom is that in the FANFIC verse, I've lost contact with one of my favorite people, and now that I'm posting more Roba fics in a few months, I'd really like to let her see what I ended up doing with them. I took a simple concept she had, and just ran wtih it. (With her blessing, of course! She reviewed my first Roba fic, and helped me with some of the finer points of the younger Robas' personalities. So while I take credit for them, I never forget that she helped me. I just miss talking to her now that I've gotten that far.)
Anyway, I'm about to finish up the epilogue of the final Wyatt-centric fanfic for Yu gi oh, and then I probably will take a long break from writing to focus on RPGing. Just to get that sense of "Okay, yeah, I can still do this...with or without Valerie". Okay.
Trivia: Victoria shares a birthday with![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
insaneladybug because her first appearance in fanfic was posted for Daisy on October 3rd. (It was her birthday present!)
Anyway. So Valerie and I are no longer friends. That's the bare bones of it. I shared a very important story with her in trying to explain what's been causing me (mostly) to stay away from her. I don't know how many times I can type out taht story without crying again, so I'm not going to talk about that. I just... I can't. Maybe ask me in a day or two?
The nuts and bolts of it was that she was far too obsessed with RPing The Mortal Instruments with me, and right now, especially after last night, I can't have myself bombareded with that fandom. I love it dearly, and I will always love that fandom. But with the realization I made last night about the real reason I was able to get into it, I just can't right now. And when I tried to explain that to her, I was sure to tell her that it wasn't anything she, personally, was doing. Because if you definitely at least don't say that, she'd take it wrong.
It back fired on me. Big time. Instead of comforting me, and reassuring me that this pain associated with this fandom and Mama Kat would go away eventually, she made it all about her, and that's what I felt tipped the scale towards leaving. I finally realized that no matter WHAT my problems were, she was going to find some way to make them about her.
With the trial coming up, and the raw of emotion of the one year anniversary with Mama Kat...I Just don't need a friend who can turn anything into something about her. I need someone who will just listen, and respect that not everything is about her. It was the hardest damn thing I had to do telling her, and admitting to myself, even that I was having trouble enjoying The Mortal Instruments!!
But now the rush back to Nostalgia makes more sense. Too much shit changed over the year. First with Mama Kat passing so suddenly, then the end of The Mortal Instruments series itself....with Yu gi oh, my Robas and Victoria were exactly the same as I remembered them. Victoria was still always just wavering on insane, Christien was still fighting to keep her sane, and protect her, Espa and Jonathan were still being elder brothers... Kaiba was still being reluctant...you get me?
I just really needed to find them again, and be reminded what it was like NOT to have something remind me of anyone. Yu gi oh, at it's core, gave me some of my closest friends, and a lot of you, I still talk to. Maybe not nearly as often as I'd like anymore, but I try. But I was into it deep before I met most of you. Some of you I met strictly because of certain Yu gi oh characters. You know who you are. And Victoria definitely wouldn't be who she is without certain people. My only regret in this fandom is that in the FANFIC verse, I've lost contact with one of my favorite people, and now that I'm posting more Roba fics in a few months, I'd really like to let her see what I ended up doing with them. I took a simple concept she had, and just ran wtih it. (With her blessing, of course! She reviewed my first Roba fic, and helped me with some of the finer points of the younger Robas' personalities. So while I take credit for them, I never forget that she helped me. I just miss talking to her now that I've gotten that far.)
Anyway, I'm about to finish up the epilogue of the final Wyatt-centric fanfic for Yu gi oh, and then I probably will take a long break from writing to focus on RPGing. Just to get that sense of "Okay, yeah, I can still do this...with or without Valerie". Okay.
Trivia: Victoria shares a birthday with
insaneladybug because her first appearance in fanfic was posted for Daisy on October 3rd. (It was her birthday present!)
