And now for real life....

I've been writing a lot of entries about fandoms, and fanfics, and RPs. But I think it's well overdue to let you guys know what's really going on in my head despite the fact I don't often let that stuff seep into my journals. (That's because I'm either fangirling to escape it, or ranting because people I hang with sometimes annoy the crap out of me).

So here's what's really going on in my head. I am feeling fairly lonely offline. I don't have a lot of social time because I can't get out and about like everyone else. I have to depend on transportation. I have to wait for people to be available. And most of all, my interests aren't waht they used to be. Maybe I'm just too old school or maybe I'm not old school enough. I'm honestly not sure which. Either way, I don't really get to spend time with my closest friends anymore becuase his job is ridiculous and he'd rather spend time with anime than his best friend.

It's too awkward spending time with Patrick because he doesn't know when to draw a damn line. He wears his emotions for me on his sleeve, and thinks I won't pick up on it. Truthfully, it makes things very uncomfortable for me, and despite my telling him that several times, he still wants to be around all the time.

I have so many muses that keep me company every day. But to be honest sometimes I wish I shared the power I gave to Veronica Skylar in "Broken Promises". She, while in Noa's virtual world, can make anything real just by thinking about it. Man, though. If I had that power, the Robas would tear my house to shreds. It's too small for all five of the hyper active boys. But would I want them, or would I insist upon Simon Lewis from The Mortal Instruments? Tough call!

Maybe instead, I would conjure up present day friends that didn't live so far away? These are days when I regret leaving New York the most. At least with Lexi, I had someone always who was around, and didn't care if my interests shifted at random. >.< Ugh, why isn't it January yet? Sara, Lexi and I are going to have so much fun!

I know that Lexi has some rough stuff happening in the coming months, so I just want to get better and take care of myself so I can help her when the time comes. Ah, why don't I play Riley? I am so much like her, wanting to fix everything and everyone. I can't even fix myself. LOL.

Farkle: You aren't broken. You're just depressed. You'll be okay.

You're too smart, Farkle. I don't deserve you.

Farkle: Hah! Everyone deserves a piece of this! Besides, what would my father say?

...I have no idea. YOur father is still not talking to me, except to taunt me that he "got his revenge". >.> Maybe he'd tell me I'm being irrational?

Yeah, see, I can't really deal with real life. I rely too much on my muses, and the fantasy world yet. >.<


Trivia: Even though it's been said that Jonathan has the same type of relationship with Victoria that Espa does, it is shown in later stories that he, indeed, has developed a close older brother/little sister relationship with her, and is very protective of Tori.

PS: from here on, Stuart Minkus= adult! Minkus from Girl Meets World. Minkus refers to him at Farkle's age. <3 I hope that clarifies. Also, in the case above, we're talking Adult Minkus.

Welcome Back Medication!

So for almost a month, I didn't take my medicine for anxiety or for my joints because I've been taking other medicine that knocks me out. Even though I have admitted ot liking the ability to just be able to go to sleep to stave off boredom, I don't like the idea that I might overdose on all of those medications and not wake up. So when I"m sick, all the other medicines get put on the back burner.

Unfortunately that means that I have to re-adjust. Again. The adjustment period shouldn't take too long, but it still frustrating. When I'm on this stuff I just have to sleep which means no tagging, no writing, nothing. This is a bad time to go back on this stuff with National Novel Writing Month so close. Though I am thinking I Might try something in November, and take my medicine at night, period. My anxiety medication alone kills me sleep wise. I sleep all damn day when I am on that stuff.

The other thing I never liked about the re-adjustment period is how quiet the medicine makes the muses. This is something I struggle with because I mentioned in my last entry, they are the things that keep me the most sane when my real friends are busy. Not that my muses aren't real friends. As a solid soul bonder, I know better than that. I just mean there are days when I'd rather explain my in real life problems to someone who can give me solid feedback. But the bonds and muses all know that they are super important to me, and that I love them all equally and differently. Each of them knows that for whatever reason I have made a connection with them, and that is what make my friendship with muse x different from muse y.

A good example? Farkle Minkus. Farkle is probably the youngest soul bond I have that i talk to on a daily basis. Ej Roba would be second youngest. While Farkle is only 12, I find myself going to him for advice already for a number of things.

Yet for Simon Lewis... well, he and I trying this dating thing again. He's been quietly supportive while I work through all of my older fandoms, and re-discover them (this applies to Boy Meets World/Girl Meets World) . He and I are still as thick as ever friendship wise. I don't have to pretend anything. He knows I love him, and I still love The Mortal Instruments, and all of my literary fandoms. I just really need to be in this nostalgic place right now. And i need to be around people who understand/ support these fandoms. SOme of you guys who read my journal don't really know me all too well yet, but I can tell you that these are things I have to go through sometimes, and they last for months.

Damn it, I've gone off on a tangent about anything but the subject at hand. This sucks. I tend to do that, too, when re-adjusting. Farkle and I are going to have a lot of fun, yes we are. Lets hope he is just as understanding as my older muses. I know Minkus gets it. and Stuart Minkus is concerned because the last time he remembered me, I was not on medication for anything. >.> I had no idea I even HAD a Minkus before. That just creeps me out. LOL.

Trivia: For a long time, Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles and I would come up with Pizza combinations I'd never eat. LOL. (Thankfully, Mom never humored those requests.)