The End

Dec. 2nd, 2014 11:40 am
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So a lot of you here on Dreamwidth know what happened last night, but I still need to process it, and put it somewhere so I have a record of it. Things happened so quickly last night, and afterwards all I wanted was to bury myself in the Robas and pretend things hadn't happened. Which is a total Victoria tactic, but they do say that sometimes you put yourself in your

Anyway. So Valerie and I are no longer friends. That's the bare bones of it. I shared a very important story with her in trying to explain what's been causing me (mostly) to stay away from her. I don't know how many times I can type out taht story without crying again, so I'm not going to talk about that. I just... I can't. Maybe ask me in a day or two?

The nuts and bolts of it was that she was far too obsessed with RPing The Mortal Instruments with me, and right now, especially after last night, I can't have myself bombareded with that fandom. I love it dearly, and I will always love that fandom. But with the realization I made last night about the real reason I was able to get into it, I just can't right now. And when I tried to explain that to her, I was sure to tell her that it wasn't anything she, personally, was doing. Because if you definitely at least don't say that, she'd take it wrong.

It back fired on me. Big time. Instead of comforting me, and reassuring me that this pain associated with this fandom and Mama Kat would go away eventually, she made it all about her, and that's what I felt tipped the scale towards leaving. I finally realized that no matter WHAT my problems were, she was going to find some way to make them about her.

With the trial coming up, and the raw of emotion of the one year anniversary with Mama Kat...I Just don't need a friend who can turn anything into something about her. I need someone who will just listen, and respect that not everything is about her. It was the hardest damn thing I had to do telling her, and admitting to myself, even that I was having trouble enjoying The Mortal Instruments!!

But now the rush back to Nostalgia makes more sense. Too much shit changed over the year. First with Mama Kat passing so suddenly, then the end of The Mortal Instruments series itself....with Yu gi oh, my Robas and Victoria were exactly the same as I remembered them. Victoria was still always just wavering on insane, Christien was still fighting to keep her sane, and protect her, Espa and Jonathan were still being elder brothers... Kaiba was still being get me?

I just really needed to find them again, and be reminded what it was like NOT to have something remind me of anyone. Yu gi oh, at it's core, gave me some of my closest friends, and a lot of you, I still talk to. Maybe not nearly as often as I'd like anymore, but I try. But I was into it deep before I met most of you. Some of you I met strictly because of certain Yu gi oh characters. You know who you are. And Victoria definitely wouldn't be who she is without certain people. My only regret in this fandom is that in the FANFIC verse, I've lost contact with one of my favorite people, and now that I'm posting more Roba fics in a few months, I'd really like to let her see what I ended up doing with them. I took a simple concept she had, and just ran wtih it. (With her blessing, of course! She reviewed my first Roba fic, and helped me with some of the finer points of the younger Robas' personalities. So while I take credit for them, I never forget that she helped me. I just miss talking to her now that I've gotten that far.)

Anyway, I'm about to finish up the epilogue of the final Wyatt-centric fanfic for Yu gi oh, and then I probably will take a long break from writing to focus on RPGing. Just to get that sense of "Okay, yeah, I can still do this...with or without Valerie". Okay.

Trivia: Victoria shares a birthday with [personal profile] insaneladybug because her first appearance in fanfic was posted for Daisy on October 3rd. (It was her birthday present!)
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Over the last couple of weeks, I've been talking to my friend Kay about the psychology behind all of my various fics. First with Marcia and then with Victoria. We talked about how things could really take a long time for both of them to heal.

Tori's long terms effects could become more obvious if they're not monitored completely. She sees "phantom" Aarons and Wyatts where they would have no business going. Indeed, in "The Troubled Triplet" she dared imaginary versions of Wyatt and Marcia to come and stop her from taking Christien's engagement ring.

When she finally meets Wade Munroe in person, she has a lot of issues to overcome, even though she does let him help her with an issue that Espa and his uncles cannot. But she had quite a few false starts before she would let him. Going home was even harder cause there are certain, every day actions, that have become traumatizing for her, such as opening a van door, reclining her seat for her... things that normal people just don't cringe about. There is no doubt in my mind it is going to take a very long time before she is completely healed.

One thing I have loved about her recovery is the way that everyone is on board with it. All the way down to the littlest Robas. Andrew recently just asked her if he could help her somehow. One of my favorite scenes is in the van with Spencer and Cale when Griffon reminds her that Aaron's abduction wasn't the only thing that happened the night of her prom. He casually reminded her that the Robas had gained a family member when Christien proposed to her. I thought that was probably cutest thing ever.

Victoria's recovery is going to happen slowly, if Espa has anything to say about it. He's not rushing her to the carnival, and he's not letting her overextend herself despite how "stir crazy" she claims she's going in the house alone. Which is another great reason for Griffon to be there, even if he will be at school. (Which also makes sense for when she decides to go back, though Christien himself is probably going to go (but for his own reasons).

Christien's psychology is turning a bit ugly, too, though. He's become even more possessive and protective. He wants to control Victoria's decisions because he feels she's not together enough to make sound decisions on her own. >.< I get it, Christien, but lets not go down that road, okay? Okay. I think Spencer said it best: " He's a young man whose deeply in love with his best friend and is watching her slowly slip away from him. Or at least that what he thinks in his head. He knows consciously that you are doing the best you can.” Spencer said.

I've really been thinking about this because I really want to portray her PTSD (and his progression towards possessiveness) in a realistic light. And being as I have been diagnosed with PTSD, I feel like I can kinda figure out how to write it out.

Trivia:The full names of the Triplet Uncles are as Follows: Aaron Lucas Roba, Spencer Thomas Roba, and Cale Elias Roba.

Sick Day

Oct. 20th, 2014 08:54 pm
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Today was a bit of a sick day. I woke up with the same scratchy throat I went to bed with. I'm so frustrated. I need to get rid of this crap. Yes, I have been on antibiotics, and they're gone. But now I'm... right back to it. This kinda sucks badly. I have a Halloween Party on Saturday. I can't afford to keep being sick. >.< Not to mention the following Saturday I think is the 1st? I am freaking out, people.

Today was good, other than that, and the fact that Patrick had the audacity to come over here and accuse my brother of stealing fire wood from him. Yeah, apparently some neighbor, or so I'm assuming, is telling Patrick that my brother took fire wood. Shuck that. No one stealing anything from him. And he KNEW I was feeling craptastic, so that really didn't help me.

The bright side of the day? Well, settled on a few things. It looks like I'm going to be involved with fanfiction for a long time yet. First with my Yu gi oh/ Roba fics taking off. Then my friends that like Girl Meets World enabling me to write a Minkus vs. Matthews Then I got this idea for a Simon/Jeanette fanfic for the Chipmunks. I am just like, "AHHHH! What are you doing to me, Fanfic?!!" But this also makes me happy because for a while I hadn't really felt like writing and now all of a sudden, the flood gates are open. So if it's Fanfiction, oh well.

Last but not least today, my Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked bluray came in the mail! Yay! I spent about an hour and a half watching the DVDs extras. This included a behind the scenes on the guy who did the voice of Simone, Alan Tudyk. It wasn't nearly as informative as it was funny. Matthew Gray Gubler was hilarious in that short. It was funny how explained why he couldn't play Simone, and how protective he got of the "Simon" character. He reminds me of myself. And yeah, I think they made the right decision letting someone else with a better French accent play Simone. I love you, Matt, but you cannot do a French accent to save your life.

Trivia: Matthew Gray Gubler plays 2 of my favorite fictional characters. He is Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid on Criminal Minds, and Simon Seville in Alvin and the Chipmunks live action/CGI movies. Both are considered geniuses. (Simon's IQ being stated be "somewhere North of Einstein") Because of this, Matthew has become one of my favorite actors.


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