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With the big blow up between me and Val that ended our friendship, the end of NaNoWriMo, and then finishing my last fic for NaNo, I am actually very bored. :( I did some tagging with Kay, and Sara earlier. But I am very displeased with my Farkle right now. It might come back, after I watch more of the show again. I keep hoping.

He wasn't in the episode much last week, so that was a disappointment for me. This week is the Christmas episode, and Shawn Hunter, and Cory's parents are supposed to guest start. I'm kinda hoping that Minkus makes another appearance with Farkle, or something. I know that Janitor Harley won't, but having Minkus back...would be awesome.

I can't wait to do more tagging.

I'm excited about this new fic that is brewing in my head. I don't know. I need to develop my Shadowhunter!Simon muse more. Maybe some more private RPing with myself will help? I'm banking on that. I am actually recycling a bit of plot from Val because I'm not ready to let the plot go. It was my plot before Val, and it will be my plot long after. And I have other plots, too that never got around to being fully developed. :( So maybe now I will try and refocus on those? Maybe?

I'm already able to talk more about TMI. I think that night it was just a shock that all I wanted was ot get out. And maybe that's what I needed to do. To get away. And maybe my Mortal Instruments muses were just prodding me more to get rid of Val. Muses, I've always believed, work in ways you don't always understand. Simon, Jace, and Alec, and especially Magnus have always been very protective of me, and my health. I guess maybe that night that Magnus had had enough, and decided that one way or another, she was gone. I'm not saying THEY are the sole reason that I dropped her. The way she reacted to everything definitely is the reason I left. I had had enough. To say that I haven't been relieved the last two days... would be a lie.

There are so many things I can do now without her constantly wanting my attention, or making me feel guilty about wanting to be away from the PC. Of course I haven't actually taken the leave away from the PC yet, but I'm sure with my new tech toy coming, I probably will. LOL.

Oh! I haven't told you guys about the new toy yet! This thing is called a Flash Pad. I ordered it from QVC. It is a touch pad gaming console that has 12 games on it that will be good for my dexterity, hand/eye coordination, and memory. These are all things I struggle with every day because of my Cerebral Palsy, and they looked addictive as hell. I can't wait! So I am going to put my triple A batteries on the charger this coming Tuesday and let them charge overnight. My Flash Pad Air is due to show up this coming Wednesday.

You guys have been amazing for being there for me, and I really appreciate it so much. <3
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So tonight I made it my mission to wrap up the fourth fanfic from NaNoWriMo. And I did it. There were some great scenes in the epilogue, and honestly, I liked them a lot more than the rest of the story! LOL

I had a hard time writing the final scene of the story though because I'm not sure what I'm doing after this. I know I am going to write the wedding story eventually because everyone that has followed me with the four fanfic I wrote for November are now shipping Christien and Victoria, and so are asking for that story. I just don't think the whole story can be the wedding, so now I'm going to let that story brew and maybe do some reading.

I cant' bring myself to read The Bane Chronicles now. In fact, after last night, I am completely turned off by the Mortal Instruments right now. I am sure that will fade with time after I've come to my senses. I am going to miss the RP more than anything else, I think. :( But I'll be alright, eventually. I may even be able to play Simon soon.

Adrian gave me an idea for a fanfic. A Mortal Instruments Fanfic. I am going to kill him later. LOL. Or maybe I'll write it and allow it to heal me. It's about Simon as a Shadowhunter. And yes, probably might have some elements from the Tara verse... cause I am now going to have to re-configure that whole thing so that no part of what me and Val did is involved. :( But this could be fun for me. SOME of it may bleed through because I like the original concept I had before we started RPing it....ugh. Why does that have to hurt so much? I knew that that was going to be hardest part of letting her go.

Simon: Hey, we were here way before she was....

Me: I know...

Alec: Hey, I refuse to let you let her ruin this for you.

Me: I know you do. You've all been golden. Just like my friends in the physical plane, and I couldn't be luckier to have all of you. <3 Just...give me time, please?

Alec: don't worry, I will. Just...come back to us when you're ready?

Simon: She will. She has stories she wants to tell.::broad grin::Hey, can our band be really popular in your fanfic?

-dies- Yes, Simon. I will make sure you guys are mega famous, okay? I gotta do something in JOrdan's honor.

Trivia: My TRUE official anime was probably Sailor Moon or one of the Nick Jr. Shows that used to air in the early 90s. (The Noozles or The Little Koala.)

The End

Dec. 2nd, 2014 11:40 am
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So a lot of you here on Dreamwidth know what happened last night, but I still need to process it, and put it somewhere so I have a record of it. Things happened so quickly last night, and afterwards all I wanted was to bury myself in the Robas and pretend things hadn't happened. Which is a total Victoria tactic, but they do say that sometimes you put yourself in your characters...lol.

Anyway. So Valerie and I are no longer friends. That's the bare bones of it. I shared a very important story with her in trying to explain what's been causing me (mostly) to stay away from her. I don't know how many times I can type out taht story without crying again, so I'm not going to talk about that. I just... I can't. Maybe ask me in a day or two?

The nuts and bolts of it was that she was far too obsessed with RPing The Mortal Instruments with me, and right now, especially after last night, I can't have myself bombareded with that fandom. I love it dearly, and I will always love that fandom. But with the realization I made last night about the real reason I was able to get into it, I just can't right now. And when I tried to explain that to her, I was sure to tell her that it wasn't anything she, personally, was doing. Because if you definitely at least don't say that, she'd take it wrong.

It back fired on me. Big time. Instead of comforting me, and reassuring me that this pain associated with this fandom and Mama Kat would go away eventually, she made it all about her, and that's what I felt tipped the scale towards leaving. I finally realized that no matter WHAT my problems were, she was going to find some way to make them about her.

With the trial coming up, and the raw of emotion of the one year anniversary with Mama Kat...I Just don't need a friend who can turn anything into something about her. I need someone who will just listen, and respect that not everything is about her. It was the hardest damn thing I had to do telling her, and admitting to myself, even that I was having trouble enjoying The Mortal Instruments!!

But now the rush back to Nostalgia makes more sense. Too much shit changed over the year. First with Mama Kat passing so suddenly, then the end of The Mortal Instruments series itself....with Yu gi oh, my Robas and Victoria were exactly the same as I remembered them. Victoria was still always just wavering on insane, Christien was still fighting to keep her sane, and protect her, Espa and Jonathan were still being elder brothers... Kaiba was still being reluctant...you get me?

I just really needed to find them again, and be reminded what it was like NOT to have something remind me of anyone. Yu gi oh, at it's core, gave me some of my closest friends, and a lot of you, I still talk to. Maybe not nearly as often as I'd like anymore, but I try. But I was into it deep before I met most of you. Some of you I met strictly because of certain Yu gi oh characters. You know who you are. And Victoria definitely wouldn't be who she is without certain people. My only regret in this fandom is that in the FANFIC verse, I've lost contact with one of my favorite people, and now that I'm posting more Roba fics in a few months, I'd really like to let her see what I ended up doing with them. I took a simple concept she had, and just ran wtih it. (With her blessing, of course! She reviewed my first Roba fic, and helped me with some of the finer points of the younger Robas' personalities. So while I take credit for them, I never forget that she helped me. I just miss talking to her now that I've gotten that far.)

Anyway, I'm about to finish up the epilogue of the final Wyatt-centric fanfic for Yu gi oh, and then I probably will take a long break from writing to focus on RPGing. Just to get that sense of "Okay, yeah, I can still do this...with or without Valerie". Okay.

Trivia: Victoria shares a birthday with [personal profile] insaneladybug because her first appearance in fanfic was posted for Daisy on October 3rd. (It was her birthday present!)
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So for almost a month, I didn't take my medicine for anxiety or for my joints because I've been taking other medicine that knocks me out. Even though I have admitted ot liking the ability to just be able to go to sleep to stave off boredom, I don't like the idea that I might overdose on all of those medications and not wake up. So when I"m sick, all the other medicines get put on the back burner.

Unfortunately that means that I have to re-adjust. Again. The adjustment period shouldn't take too long, but it still frustrating. When I'm on this stuff I just have to sleep which means no tagging, no writing, nothing. This is a bad time to go back on this stuff with National Novel Writing Month so close. Though I am thinking I Might try something in November, and take my medicine at night, period. My anxiety medication alone kills me sleep wise. I sleep all damn day when I am on that stuff.

The other thing I never liked about the re-adjustment period is how quiet the medicine makes the muses. This is something I struggle with because I mentioned in my last entry, they are the things that keep me the most sane when my real friends are busy. Not that my muses aren't real friends. As a solid soul bonder, I know better than that. I just mean there are days when I'd rather explain my in real life problems to someone who can give me solid feedback. But the bonds and muses all know that they are super important to me, and that I love them all equally and differently. Each of them knows that for whatever reason I have made a connection with them, and that is what make my friendship with muse x different from muse y.

A good example? Farkle Minkus. Farkle is probably the youngest soul bond I have that i talk to on a daily basis. Ej Roba would be second youngest. While Farkle is only 12, I find myself going to him for advice already for a number of things.

Yet for Simon Lewis... well, he and I trying this dating thing again. He's been quietly supportive while I work through all of my older fandoms, and re-discover them (this applies to Boy Meets World/Girl Meets World) . He and I are still as thick as ever friendship wise. I don't have to pretend anything. He knows I love him, and I still love The Mortal Instruments, and all of my literary fandoms. I just really need to be in this nostalgic place right now. And i need to be around people who understand/ support these fandoms. SOme of you guys who read my journal don't really know me all too well yet, but I can tell you that these are things I have to go through sometimes, and they last for months.

Damn it, I've gone off on a tangent about anything but the subject at hand. This sucks. I tend to do that, too, when re-adjusting. Farkle and I are going to have a lot of fun, yes we are. Lets hope he is just as understanding as my older muses. I know Minkus gets it. and Stuart Minkus is concerned because the last time he remembered me, I was not on medication for anything. >.> I had no idea I even HAD a Minkus before. That just creeps me out. LOL.

Trivia: For a long time, Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles and I would come up with Pizza combinations I'd never eat. LOL. (Thankfully, Mom never humored those requests.)
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So I'm reading this new book called The Iron Trial. It is book 1 of 5 in a new series by Cassandra Clare and Holly Black called the Magisterium. I love the book! I do, seriously. It's just like Harry Potter meets THe Hunger Games, and it's thrilling. But the reason I am bringing it up is because it follows the same pattern as all my other fandoms: Me falling for the best friend/secondary characters. Aaron Stewart first reminded me of Jace, with his blonde hair, and sort of holier than thou attitutde, but as the story progressed, his real personality came out, and he's your classic best friend/secondary character. Or rather, my classic. Everyone probably has their own standards! (or I'm just a weird-o...) He sticks up for Call and stand by him, even when things get harder for him for reasons I will not divulge just in case anyone wants to read the book. I may be in the minority here though..

For a twist in the norm... I have a very strong Scott McCall muse from Teen Wolf. Yes, I'm only four episodes in, but can we take a minute to recognize the fact that for the first time in a very l very long time that I have a main character as a muse? Scott was the adorkable sidekick character to Stiles Stilinski for all of five minutes. (I'm being sarcastic... it ws more like for 20 minutes of the first episode). He was your classic you're-killing-my-image best friend. I think Stiles even says something of that effect, too, actually. Complete with inhaler and zero confidence. 20 minutes and a werewolf bite later, Scott goes from wheezing sidekick to sizzling sexy main character. That, my friends, is the real transformation. Forget the wolf bite for a minute there.

That's not to say that he is the first one. He cropped at the same time as Day Wing did. I didn't count Day because I am not sure if he, or June were the main character of the Legend trilogy by Marie Lu. In the end I decided that he didn't count because he and June were co-main characters. So it could go either way. So Scott wins for being the first Main character in a long time. I think the last time this happened it was probably Tris. (So I guess in retrospect it wasn't that long ago, but it just doesn't happen that often, so I guess that's why it always feels like its a while between them.

I'm trying to decide if Simon would be a side character or not in the Mortal Instruments. Either way, he fell into the "best friend" category so he still counts as being a best friend/secondary muse. I think from City of Ashes on he was a part of the ensemble cast. But yeah. My statement stands as he was always Clary's best friend first. That's what he was known for in the books, aside from his and Jace's sniping at each other.

None of my more recent muses besides Scott falls into the main character category. Isaac was even a secondary character in The Fault in Our Stars. So I do find this to be an interesting part of how I choose my muses. Of course, I also believe muses choose you, just as much. If Scott becomes more of a bond than a muse, that will be even more true.

Want more proof? Let's look at one of my oldest fandoms: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My first muse for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, even though I didn't call them that at the time, was Xander Harris. My second muse was Oz. My third muse was Willow, my fourth was Spike, my final muse for that fandom was Dawn Summers. Not once did I develop a Buffy muse.

Charmed was a bit of a tie. I got a muse for Leo Wyatt and Piper Halliwell at the same time. Leo came just a bit before Piper though so in that respect my experiment stands true.

I'm not complaining about the lack of main character muses. It actually works in my favor when it comes to RPing. So many people have main character muses that they need either their best friends or supporting characters. I can usually deliver, even if it takes me a little time to warm up to RPing as said muse.
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So I didn't sleep well last night becuase Daniel had his stupid ass friends over and they were up until 4:30am this morning. They kept me awake. Then Daniel broke his window, which set off my damn anxiety. So I had to take two of my anxiety pills in order to sleep. I Didn't wake up until 1:30pm Then I've been sort of out of it all day since. I didn't even have the energy to go grocery shopping which I really needed to do. But I'm going tomorrow.

I spent most of the day in daze, as I aid, but I watched a lot of Beyblade, Yu gi oh, and Yu gi oh GX. Okay, not a lot of Yu gi oh, actually. I just had to watch Evil Spirit of the Ring, which is the episode where Yami Bakura is introduced. It is essentially the episode that Johanna (one of my OCs) really loved as a little girl. While victoria's favorite was Marik's introduction.

For Beyblade, I got up to the bey battle between Ray and Tyson. I forgot just how awesome Ray's Driger could be. I am still amazed I Could remember who had which Bit Beast! Ray has Driger, Kai has Dranzer, Tyson has Dragoon, and Max has Draciel. I think I had Dranzer and Draciel. If I had been able to get Majestic bayblades, I probably would've had all of those, too! I miss Oliver. Can't wait to get to his and the Majestics episodes. They were so awesome!!

Last night didn't end well, by the way. Me and Valerie had another argument because she wouldn't trust me that I had told her I wouldn't available today. My mom is off every Friday (as of right now) and unless I am doing something special with friends, I am home, spending time with her. It's the only day I have with her where I don't have to worry about sassy comments from Cal. And I have told Val several times that my mom is the most important person in my life, and I need to spend the time with her when I can. Especially if she and Cal actually DO move to Florida and I get left behind. (I don't know how much I want to do that plan anymore with the way Daniel has been behaving...partying every damn night of the week isn't how I want to live!)

So then apparently my characters were upsetting her characters making it harder for her to RP. Uh, WTF? My characters/bonds are separate from each other. When they're characters, they're just in the game at hte moment. As soul bonds they might say something like, "Got a bit too emotional" or something after the fact, but... I never let my emotions get in the way of a good RP. Instead of seeing the drama as a good tihng, she turns it into something depressing, which really irritates me, especially when the action in the RP is freakin' canon! If I was playing Magnus Bane out of character, then yes, get upset. But especially with my Mortal Instruments characters, I am extremely careful to be in character at all times, or I fear disrespecting my friend's work! I've been known to bend the rules in canon in the past, yes, but nothing incredibly ludicrious.

Some would probably argue having the Robas actually being psychic is out of canon, but the thing is, *that* whole verse with Victoria is AU. I can't see Rex, Joey, Weevil and Espa all being friends anyway. Well, maybe Espa and Joey, but not Rex and Weevil. I love them both dearly in my own way, but in canon Joey couldn't stand them. (Despite the fact he and Rex did seem to be cordial in "The ESP Duselist" parts 1 and 2).

But AU is different than flat out playing someone out of character especially if you've previously stated that the RP setting is canon, and have even set a time frame, which is very important when you're RPing within a series such as The Mortal Instruments. A lot of what we did RP previously came before City of Heavenly Fire and after City of Fallen Angels. CIty of Lost Souls is actually mentioned quite a lot in the RP because Tara (the OC) read them before she found out she was, in fact, a Shadowhunter herself. She didn't read City of Lost Souls or City of Heavnly Fire because she was too young at the time. The way we use Jonathan/Sebastian in the RP is vastly different from the way he is written in Cassandra Clare's books, but we're taking creative license, and I'm thinking that probably is the ONLY thing AU about RP aside from the canon puncturing cause of the fact the Shadowhunters KNOW they are in books.(In our RP, the books were written by a Shadowhunter to lure Tara in, and that person used the pen name, Cassandra Clare)

But I STILL hold that I keep the canon characters from the series canon and in character. Magnus gets drained when he uses magic, Clary is an older version of herself in the book, and very loving, Raphael is still Raphael, and Jordan is still Jordan. The ones we have the most trouble with are other members of Simon's band since not a whole lot is known about them. We know Eric is Simon's OTHER best friend, and we know what instruments they all play, and that's it. Hell, we even know the name of Matt's girlfriend!

Ugh. The best part of today, though...just sitting and watching Beyblade. It felt good, you know. I don't know why, but watching these older animes are making me feel much better. Maybe its' something I need to do again... just sit, and watch. What do you guys do when you get really nostalgic?

Trivia: Elizabeth Bakura has a Millennium Item called the Pyramid. The Yami that resides inside it is the Thief Bakura's sister, Sagira, who goes by ' Liza.


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