faeriewings1781: (Default)
So you know how you can live with someone for years and years and think things are fine? Ha. That's an illusion. I once told Kay that my family and I were very close and didn't have any problems. Guess what? I lied. Okay, I didn't lie, perse. I just didn't know how bad things were. Mom and Daddy C. Oh, whoops. CAL had done such a good job at not arguing in front of me. Well, tonight a lot of shit came out about how Cal really feels about me and Daniel. And it was much more painful than I ever thought I could feel.

Hazel Grace Lancaster in the Fault in Our Stars was often asked on a scale of 1-10 how she rated her pain. When Augustus died, she admitted that she had been saving her "10". Well, I must have been saving my 10, too. I am in SO much pain right now. The sheer amount of hurtful things he said to Mom about me and Daniel....I would have never guessed he actually felt that way towards me.

I guess I should probably start by saying that the argument, as usual, started out being about Daniel. Daniel couldn't handle the job at Wal-Mart, and was fired. Personally, I don't think he can keep a job. Every job he's had he's lost within a month for stupid reasons. It's always Daniel, and never anyone else. I am beginning to feel that Daniel may be one of the every three people that can't hold a job due to his ADHD and Anxiety. Cal doesn't want to face up to that. And I know Mom doesn't either, but that's just a theory I have. I'm not a doctor, so I am not saying that's really the case. But I digress.

This led to a huge blow up between Mom and Cal because Daniel didn't talk to Cal today like he said he wa going to. Mom didn't want to be in the middle of them anymore, and honestly, I get it. Daniel's twenty years old. He should be able to talk to Cal about what really happened. But the way Cal handled things...ugh.

Usually when they start arguing, I tune out. But I already had a pretty bad headache so I had turned off my music, and didn't have time to turn it back on before the yelling and accusations started. I also found out how Nick (Cal's son) really feels about us. He tolerates us. What the fuck. After EVERYTHING I did to promote his band. After he bought me the ukelele... and after I named one of my core characters in my first ever novel after him, and based his character on him! What. The Fuck. I am so....ugh. I can't even right now. I am having a really hard time processing all of this.

There is also Cal himself. He basically said that me and Daniel were not welcome to come to Florida with him and Mom, KNOWING I cannot live by myself. And said things like, "What you want them both hanging off your tits till you're 80?" and basically gave Mom an ultimatum, which really pissed me off because Tom (my first stepfather) did the same thing.

Yet, the thing that hurt the most for me was that he doesn't want to be called Daddy C anymore. He doesnt' want to be anyone's Daddy. I've been calling him that for almost a decade. It hurts. It really, really hurts.

The good news is that Baymax is on his way to me, and that will help, greatly.


faeriewings1781: (Default)

September 2016



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