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So I haven't written a real entry in here in ages, and I'm sorry about that. I mostly don't do writing when all I'm going to do is whine about personal stuff. But I need some where to put some of this pent up stress, so here it goes.

I am greatly worried about my brother Daniel. He has been living with "depression" for almost 2 months. And I put it in quotes because I'm honestly not sure if he's truly depressed or using it as a cover to be allowed to sleep all day knowing that Daddy C won't push him for fear of driving him to suicide. But either way. Things are not right with this boy (yes, boy, even though he is 20). He's staying up all night, sleeping all day, and putting his family second yet again. It's to the point Mom doesn't even want to give him money for Christmas shopping, because she's afraid he'll spend it on Weed.

Yes that is something he does. He has gotten pretty bad about it ever since Cellular Sales let him go over a technicality. He'll be back there again in April, but that's a long time not to do anything. -sigh- I just don't really know what to do, or if I can really do anything, to be honest.

All I know is it is putting a strain on Mom and Cal's marriage, and that's making me feel anxious, and I don't do good with anxiety. And at least I've gotten to the point where I'm not wanting to throw up every time things get tense. (Thank you, Remeron!) But I just... this is the freakin' holidays! Things shouldn't be this intense, and strained right now. Or ever, but especially not right now.

Not to mention, the trial is going on for the accident that took my second mother away from last year, so I'm stressing about that, and trying to hold it together for Lexi, and that family. I can't be strong for both families, though, and eventually, I am expecting a breakdown. If I don't get it, then I will thank my medicine some more, because it really has helped a lot.

The holidays are depressing for me sometimes now because of the losses I've suffered. My grandparents are all gone, I lost my best best friend almost 2 years ago (my cat, Murphy. And yes even though he is "just an animal" he really was my baby, and I loved him dearly. )And now Mama Kat is gone, too, and it just feels like the loss is never ending.

If I could ever figure out how to put pictures in this thing, I would put some of hte ones of Baymax I have been drawing. He just needs to be experienced by anyone who is suffering or in pain. That kind of pain is really hard to come to terms with. Baymax does a great job of healing Hiro in the movie Big Hero 6. I just want to snuggle him dearly.

A MixedBag

Sep. 21st, 2014 09:51 pm
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Today was a mixed bag of everything. Today was the day I went to see The Maze Runner. That was an amazing movie! The graphics were good, the Grievers scared the klunk out of me, and I was really impressed with the actors. The cast was the best thing about the movie, to be honest. There is more I will say, but let me do that in a different entry tomorrow.

Tonight ended on a mid to low note. First the good. Tonight, as I was getting ready to wrap up my night at Barnes and Noble when this Ansel Elgort look alike walks in. He glanced at me, smiled, then sat down at the table next to mine. I had a VERY hard time not staring. I bet he doesn't even KNOW he's walking around with Ansel's face!

This caused quite the scene when my friend Jason tried to get a picture of him for me so I could relay to my other Ansel loving friends my luck! Finally got it up where I want to put it. I couldn't put it on Facebook in case the guy actually has a Facebook, and thinks I'm crazy....or a stalker...but either way, couldn't put it on FB.

Then got home and decided to shut down my Divergent-themed PanFandom RPG. I did it over Facebook because this way Valerie cannot message me griping about me shutting it down so suddenly. AFter it was technically my RPG, and I had the final say. I'm sad about it, yes. But sometimes you have to do what yu ahve to. Basically I wasn't having fun, and therefore it wasn't fun anymore.

And besides, we had 4 players and only two of us were active. And Valerie had the other half of my Divergent cast that I needed for my plot to work. And she wouldn't shucking tag!! She also had other characters my friend Terry wanted to play with. And she didn't tag with THOSE either. So basically she ruined my RPG.

I can lay back and chill now, but I am still very upset about it. I was so proud of my plot and the work I did on it. I even ahd the journals set up properly. Its hard to set up an RPG, and I managed to do it. I just couldn't force people to tag if they didn't want to tag or whatever, especially since it was an non-activity check RPG. My next one is going to have a role call at least so that people can't sit on characters and stuff.

The other good thing that happened tonight was that I got offered a position at ChatAbout doing viral video hunts. I can't wait to get started tomorrow. It's going to be so much fun to look for videos and things. <3 They are offering me 100 points per post to start, and if they like my stuff we'll renegotiate my "rate".ChatAbout, for anyone who doesn't know, is a site that pays point for just commenting and various topics, answering and asking questions, taking a daily poll and writing up posts.

I do all of the above and get about 50 points a day. I could probably get more if I put more time in, and if I do this job well, I'll be able to do more trade ins more frequently. You can get Amazon.com, PayPal, GameStop and many other types of giftcards. <3 I love this site, and I'm glad I'm back on it, and I'm glad they're offering me this chance to do more!

Trivia: I am only 1 foot too tall to be considered a true "Hobbit". But my nickname from Daddy C has been The Hobbit since we met.
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The Good:

Finished Into the Lion's Den save an epilogue that I am going to write tomorrow. I decided tonight that it needed one to wrap it up a bit, and segway into Part 2 which will be written December.

Finished the first book in the Legend trilogy by Marie Lu. A full review to be written on Bubblews tomorrow I will link it here. I ended up with a Day muse from that novel... lol. Day is a vigilante who is wanted by the Republic... blah blah blah... you'll have to wait for the review.

Started Magisterium #1: The Iron Trial by Cassandra Clare and Holly Black! (That right there is the best part of my day as these two, as anyone who knows me will know, are my favorite authors! And they finally collaborated on a series. My dynamic duo!) These are geared towards children 8-12, but the length is like 300+ pages. Plus, that's not really justifying anything. I read all the Potters and have read my share of Percy Jackson novels. LOL. I never really cared for the division of book appropriateness by age anyway, except maybe things that contain a large amount of sex or cursing in them. THOSE should be kept away from younger readers, definitely.

I got a Maze Runner book called The Guide to the Glade. I think this book will help me with my writing of the fanfiction plot bunny I'm dealing with. But it also has *very* sexy picutres of Minho, Thomas, and Newt. So....BONUS

The Bad:

Got home to the power being out. Seemed to have been a tripped breaker. Mom fixed it.

Daddy C and Mom are fighting again, mostly over stupid klunk. I am really sick of this crap. I don't care anymore that he's having pain. He's made me NOT care by the way he's been acting. Been treating me and Mom like klunk since he's been in pain. That's ridiculous.

SO this has whole thing has ruined my entire day. Despite all the good things that happened today, I'm still on edge, I feel like klunk, and I'm tired of his jacked ways.

Trivia: Jonathan, Christien and Andrew were named after various people. Jonathan was named after my Chris' imaginary friend. Christien was named after Christian Kane. Andrew was named after the Voice actor Andrew Ranells who did several voices for Yu gi oh including Mako Tsunami, Noa Kaiba and Leon Von Schroeder. Espa Jacob was named as such because I couldn't think of oanything else, and I decided that in the history, that Marcia Roba told Espa he could name his baby brother since he was upset cause he'd ewanted a sister. So Espa named the baby after himself. He goes by Ej, the nickname given to him by the foster home he and his brothers Jonathan, Christien and Andrew were placed in. (Reference: Brothers's Keeper, written by me!)


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